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Navigating holidays while caring for those with dementia; Caregivers Corner

Capital - 12/10/2017

Dear Mary, I read the Department of Aging and Disabilities' "The Caregivers Voice" newsletter a few weeks ago that had some good suggestions on gifts for seniors. My dad, who has dementia, really doesn't need anything, and I think he gets confused by the whole gift giving/receiving process now.

I don't want to leave him out of the holiday celebrations, but I don't want to overwhelm him either. Our family is scattered across several states; do you have any suggestions on a simple way the whole family can celebrate with him?

Dear Reader, I recently came across an article that talked about the significance of holiday greeting cards for our seniors who are living with dementia. The article reminded me that our older generations grew up during a time where sending and receiving Christmas cards in the mail was not only the norm but was eagerly anticipated. Greeting cards serve as a reminder of how they celebrated the holidays by keeping in touch with friends and family, far and near.

So encourage the family, your dad's friends and even your friends to send him a card. Ask folks to write a few short lines about a memory they have of your dad or about what he means to them. If possible, include a photo, old or new. Include the names with recent pictures. If including an old photo, ask them to write a brief description of who is in the shot and what was happening.

Keep the cards in a box or basket that your dad can see and easily reach. He will probably enjoy looking at them again and again, throughout the holiday season.

Dear Mary, My parents have always loved all the holiday celebrations, from going to their grandchildren's school concerts, sharing Santa visits, church activities and finally the big, family celebration. This year, my mother (who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 18 months ago) is refusing to do any of these activities. My dad won't attend without her.

It just doesn't feel the same without them. How can we get her involved without making her upset?

Dear Reader, As his or her communication and coping skills diminish, and holiday decorations and celebrations disrupt daily routines, the person with dementia faces many challenges.

Crowded situations, noise and excited children can be stressful for any of us; for someone with dementia, the sensory overload can cause them to withdraw or become anxious. While we may see a beautifully decorated tree and mantle, someone with dementia may not understand what these decorations are doing in the living room and may find twinkling or colorful lights quite disorientating.

You can help your mom (and dad) enjoy the holidays this year, but it will need to be different from those of the past. Let them pick the activities in which they are most comfortable; don't expect more than what your mom can handle. For example, she can probably no longer handle a daylong cookie baking activity with all the grandchildren, but she may enjoy watching one or two of you and may even want to do some simple cookie decorating.

If she is willing to attend festivities at a family member's home, have your siblings, nieces and nephews watch for signs of distress and then accompany her to a quiet room, away from the noise and activity. If she seems upset at the prospect of traveling to another family member's home, have family visit her - just a few at a time.

Plan some quiet time over the holidays, watching familiar Christmas movies, reading Christmas cards or looking through old family holiday photos. And most importantly, maintain her routine as much as possible.

Questions and comments can be sent to Mary Chaput at the Department of Aging and Disabilities, 7320 Ritchie Highway, Glen Burnie, MD 21061, or by contacting 410-222-4339 or agchap01@aacounty.org.

Credit: Mary Chaput - Questions and comments can be sent to Mary Chaput at the Department of Aging and Disabilities, 7320 Ritchie Highway, Glen Burnie, MD 21061, or by contacting 410-222-4339 or agchap01@aacounty.org.

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